OVERVIEW: They say practice makes perfect — and when it comes to sex, I couldn’t agree more. In this episode, join me, Dr. Trevor Hoppe, as I sit down with the incredible Alexander Cheves, author of “My Love is a Beast” and longtime sex columnist for “The Advocate.” We dive deep into his wild journey navigating sex, kink, and fisting, and explore how meaningful practice and experienced partners can transform sexual exploration.
From growing up on a conservative Southern Baptist farm to cruising gas stations and finding himself in Berlin’s legendary kink scene, Alexander doesn’t hold back. We talk about the power of fisting orgasms, setting boundaries (even when it’s messy), and how the best sex takes patience, experience, and a little self-love along the way.
If you’re ready to level up your sex life, tune in for Alexander’s candid stories and actionable advice — because good sex takes practice, but the best sex? That takes intention.
TRANSCRIPT:
Trevor Hoppe (00:09)
Hey, welcome to the Best Gay Sex Podcast. I’m your host, Dr. Trevor Hoppe. Today’s episode is about practice. They say that practice makes perfect. And you know, I think that’s true when it comes to sex Just imagine, if you needed relationship advice, would you call up your friend who’s been single their whole life? Mm-mm. I don’t think so. Not your best bet. And the same is true when it comes to sex. We need to learn…
from partners with experience. The more the better. You know, I think there’s a word for people with lots of sexual experience that it rhymes with glut. Okay, okay, stupid, I know, bad joke, but you get the point. Experience is key. And as we’re gonna hear about today, that is especially true when it comes to kink and BDSM practices.
Trevor Hoppe (00:59)
Today’s guest, Alexander Cheves, has been writing and thinking about queer sex for well over a decade. Through his Sexy Beast column for the Advocate Magazine and his book, My Love is a Beast, Alexander has become an icon of the queer, kink, and fisting communities. But he didn’t get there overnight. It took
practice. In today’s episode, he reflects on his journey learning from partners and practicing with partners with more experience than him. Let’s listen in.
Trevor Hoppe (01:33)
Alexander Cheves, welcome to the Best Gay Sex Podcast.
Alexander Cheves (01:36)
Yay, I’m excited to be here. I love love gay sex
Trevor Hoppe (01:39)
Yes, gay sex is the best. I am really grateful for you making the time to come talk about how you have sort of figured out how to have the best gay sex of your life. And I was listening to a little bit of the interviews you’ve done recently and I learned that you grew up in Zambia a little bit and I did not know that.
Alexander Cheves (02:00)
Yes, my parents were missionaries, actually. Very conservative Southern Baptists. So that shaped, in many ways, my youth and my identity.
Trevor Hoppe (02:16)
And was part of that process or experience, were you having, were you becoming aware of being a queer person during that time? Or was that something that happened later in life for you?
Alexander Cheves (02:27)
It happened back in the States.
When I came back to the US, me and my sister both really struggled around kids our own age. And we both kind of mutually thought that it was because we were so culturally disconnected from other kids our age. We didn’t know any of the same music, we weren’t like really socialized for American culture at that time. And we didn’t know like any music, any pop culture references. We were very, very sheltered on top of that because our parents were conservative Christians.
And I think that we both, so we both had very awkward, ugly duckling phases there for a while where we just didn’t know how to behave around kids of our own age. And we both assumed that it was because of Africa. And later it’s because we were both queer. Me and my sister both realized like, we were both just gay and didn’t, and like many young gay kids, we didn’t even know how to like live in our own bodies yet.
Trevor Hoppe (03:14)
Hahaha.
Alexander Cheves (03:26)
And it seemed that that process just happened so much later and slower for us than it did for other kids.
Trevor Hoppe (03:26)
Mm -hmm.
Yeah, definitely. I can appreciate that. So once you started to become aware of that, like what was the, I presume there’s some tension there, right? With your conservative Christian folks and family upbringing, like how did you navigate that, like that sexual awakening as a queer person?
Alexander Cheves (03:50)
Well, my family lives on a farm in Georgia. So after we traveled the world, we moved back to this farm in the middle of Georgia, about an hour from Atlanta. And I heard the word gay in Sunday school, because a kid raised their hand and asked a question about gay people. And so that was the first time that the word was explained to me in the same breath that…
Trevor Hoppe (04:05)
Mm -hmm.
Alexander Cheves (04:15)
I learned what gay meant, I learned that it was a sin and that it was punishable by hell or whatever. And I knew in that moment that that’s what I was. So like, the minute the word concept presented itself to me, I knew I was gay. Or at least I knew that the word had some kind of like…
Trevor Hoppe (04:34)
without even like…
I’m just curious, like, was there an understanding of how did you know what that meant in the moment?
Alexander Cheves (04:36)
Yeah, I get it.
Well, I remember the Sunday school teacher, her name was like Cece or something. And she was this kind of very matronly older woman. And when she said in her very kind of Southern accent that that gay is a man who likes is two men. I was like, I have a crush on my friend David at school. And that means it’s me.
And I knew that, like, maybe I didn’t know in that moment, but my visceral response to the word proved that it was something to me. I remember climbing up in a tree on the farm and daring myself to say the word gay, like, out loud. It was like a curse word. And just a word that charges you in that way, it has to mean something, I mean.
And I was old enough then to like put it together that if I’m having such a strong reaction to just a word, there’s probably something there. And I had a crush on David. I had a crush on my classmate. And he didn’t love me back.
Trevor Hoppe (05:47)
David, we all had those, I mean, many of us for sure, I had the same experience, like my neighbor for sure, I remember crushing on and what, like, did, I assume, you know, you never, David never probably became aware of that crush, right? Like that’s not something you expressed.
Alexander Cheves (06:05)
David did actually. Yeah. Yeah. I got a friend, a mutual friend, a friend of David’s who ended up being my best friend for, is still one of my best friends in life. one of David’s friends I became friends with in order for him to relay the message. And yeah, and David.
Trevor Hoppe (06:08)
Scandal. What happened?
That’s so tender.
Alexander Cheves (06:33)
Right. And David was not interested and did not even really merit it with the response. Did not even really even acknowledge it. But then I became really good friends with his friend whose name was Russell and Russell and I were, and then Russell and David kind of stopped being friends. And then Russell and I became really good friends. And, and, and I think I was really unbearable during like high school, but Russell really put up with me and he’s a good friend. So.
Trevor Hoppe (07:00)
of and did you start to have sexual experiences at that time or was that something that that came later?
Alexander Cheves (07:07)
No, I did start at, I mean, I started really young. My first sexual experience was when I was 10. And then the next was like 13, which was like, 13 was actually like full sex, which is just kind of crazy to me now in hindsight, how young I was. And then in high school, I…
It’s kind of the story of my life. I started these very problematic and in hindsight, probably they were probably predatory relationships. There were these older men in town who…
I knew they were gay and they knew I was gay and they knew I was in the closet and they worked at the local. There were two that I had different relationships with and they were a couple and they, one of them worked at the local gas station near my high school. And they were much older than me and they introduced me to like douching and cigarettes and drugs and like kind of gave me the crash course about everything. And we’re really.
Looking back now, I can realize they were probably really messy, dark people. But that ended up kind of being the tenor of my sex life for a while, is kind of falling in with these, in hindsight, probably not the best people, but always much older and much more advanced and experienced. And so then I became pretty advanced and experienced at a relatively young age. So.
Trevor Hoppe (08:42)
And how did you, did you, do you feel like you pursued those experiences or like how did they come to be?
Alexander Cheves (08:50)
I met them in like attempts at dating. And I don’t honestly remember how I met the guy at the gas station. I think I probably just filled up my truck there after school and he was probably just there working behind the counter or something. Yeah, I don’t think anybody introduced us. There were a couple of situations where like,
a teacher who knew I was gay who recommended this other gay student in this other county and I wasn’t going to go all that far away and they were my age and I wasn’t interested in guys my age and I don’t know I liked older guys I liked men you know and at that time especially and I kind of fell in with this guy 10 plus years older than me who worked at the local Flying J.
And that’s kind of how it happened.
Trevor Hoppe (09:46)
I love it. And this is pre – well, internet existed at this time, but it sounds like maybe you weren’t on there looking for sex.
Alexander Cheves (09:55)
Not at all. We didn’t really have, we lived really literally in the middle of nowhere on a 500 acre farm. I didn’t have internet that wasn’t dial up until I went to college, which was in 2010. And even then on the internet that we did have at home, which was dial up internet, my parents had installed this parental blocker system that was released by, do you know Promise Keepers?
Trevor Hoppe (10:02)
Mm.
Alexander Cheves (10:23)
sort of Christian men’s organization. My dad was a big devout member and they had this, they recommended Net Nanny, which was like this parental blocker for your internet and nothing got through it. So I would try to like find dial -up porn, which is very hard as it is. And nothing could get past this, internet blocker and it pinged your parents if you like attempted to do something. So yeah, it was.
Trevor Hoppe (10:25)
Mm -hmm.
Alexander Cheves (10:50)
Yeah. So, so basically like porn didn’t happen or, and I didn’t even know that the internet was a tool to find sex until some time into college. I mean, and this was 2010, like this was late and like, this is recent history. like the year that Grindr hit the app store is the year that I realized that the internet has chat rooms and porn.
Trevor Hoppe (10:57)
Wow.
Yeah.
I love that. I mean, that’s like, you had like a very like almost pre internet experience even in the kind of world of it. So it often kind of differentiates, I think us like how we like the internet facilitates a certain kind of bandwidth to learning about sexuality. And when you’re, you don’t have that, you know, it means, yeah, you you’re meeting folks at gas stations and kind of learning in a very different way, you know, what, what this world is like.
Alexander Cheves (11:17)
Right.
I mean it was kind of cruising. You know?
Trevor Hoppe (11:47)
Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, that’s like a.
Alexander Cheves (11:50)
Like in high school, I was without even knowing what these terms meant or their sort of historical meaning, I was kind of meeting guys the old fashioned way. Yeah, it was nice.
Trevor Hoppe (12:03)
That’s amazing. Yeah, totally. And so once you’re in college, you start experimenting. How did you find sex to be? Like what were the experiences that you remember that were like defining that you think back and like this was kind of a seminal moment in my sexual development?
Alexander Cheves (12:25)
Defining.
I don’t know if any sexual experience was super defining in terms of my understanding of sex, but a conversation about sex was very defining. Kids didn’t really talk about sex you just kind of had sex and didn’t talk to other kids about the sex you were having or how much. And I remember the first, really the first conversation I had with other people my age.
about sex was outside on the lawn of the sophomore dorms. And it was me and a bunch of other kids my age, you know, my peers, and it was very much a mixed crowd. It was, my friends were very mixed between straight and queer at that time. And I remember we started asking each other how many people we had sex with. And…
Trevor Hoppe (13:17)
Hmm.
Alexander Cheves (13:18)
I was the first person to answer and thinking that I was giving a very normal answer I said, at least a hundred.
Trevor Hoppe (13:26)
Mm.
Alexander Cheves (13:27)
And, and I don’t actually know if that was true. I don’t know how far off from truth it was, but I was like, yeah, I mean, I’ve, I’ve hooked up a lot. Like what else do you do on the weekend? You know, like it had already been two years in college by that point. In fact, that might’ve even been a third year of college. and I’m not really sure if that was my sophomore, junior year, but I, you know, I had been in college for a couple of years. I had discovered.
Trevor Hoppe (13:38)
Hahaha.
Alexander Cheves (13:52)
apps and sex and cruising and going to the bar and having sex in the toilet. And I discovered sex really quickly and very aggressively. And I kind of assumed that everybody else was having sex to the same amount. And then I remember kind of saying, okay, I estimate like about a hundred and the group just fell quiet. And my friends, I remember the two girls were like, just…
beside themselves and my friend Leah said, Alex, that’s really dangerous. Like you should really slow down. Like that’s a lot. And it was the first time that I actually felt shamed for the amount of sex I was having or even realized that there was such a thing as slut shaming. It was the first time I learned that people walk around having this idea about what is a normal amount of sex and might.
Trevor Hoppe (14:21)
Ha!
Mm -hmm.
Alexander Cheves (14:48)
judge somebody who has a different amount. And that shaped me a lot because I remember being really toying over that in my mind thinking like, this felt so normal to me and yet it’s abnormal to people who are my age and why is that so? And that was, I kind of think the very seeds of what later ended up being my career.
Trevor Hoppe (15:11)
Right? Yeah, it kind of planted that seed for sure. And you are now paving the way to breaking down that shame, which I obviously love. I think that’s amazing. But that’s really real. I love that kind of naivety of just like not understanding that a hundred is a number that most people don’t reach in their lifetime. And it is, it is jarring sometimes to talk to straight people, you know, generally straight people, not all straight people, of course, but by and large,
you know, there are big differences in lifetime numbers of partners. Oh my gosh. And they kind of, they’re like, holy cow. So at that time, as you’re kind of figuring out what you like, it sounds like you hit the road pretty quickly. What were you using terms like top or bottom to describe your own sexuality?
Alexander Cheves (15:44)
See you guys soon.
Yes, I was. And I initially described myself as a total top because of shame. I’m very, very sure it was because I kind of had this idea that being a top was one click closer to being straight.
Trevor Hoppe (16:09)
Mmm.
Being a man.
Alexander Cheves (16:23)
And being a man, yeah. And that was born of shame. But I ended up having sex with this really hung, he was a cop, which didn’t bug me then, bugs me now, but he was like my first regular sex partner. And he was very closeted. I mean, when I say like country boy, I mean, he had like grizzly chewing tobacco in his truck, lived like,
Trevor Hoppe (16:25)
Meh.
Alexander Cheves (16:52)
and the marshes outside Savannah. His idea of going, of having a good time was going to Charleston because he could kind of be out there. Cause he was totally DL and hung like a horse and he, in hindsight, he didn’t really know how to top. He just kind of jackhammered, but he was my first like regular sex partner and he was a total top. And I was like, okay, I guess now I have to learn how to bottom. And did
Trevor Hoppe (16:56)
yeah.
Alexander Cheves (17:19)
And that was the first time that I thought, I think I like this.
Trevor Hoppe (17:22)
That’s exciting. So I mean, you have this experience, it kind of changes your relationship to these terms. How has that changed over your life? It sounds like you were a top, then you does that mean you started to identify more as a bottom over time?
Alexander Cheves (17:37)
I kind of went from total top to total bottom and things got muddled when I kind of started doing sex work, which started at a very young age. Like I wasn’t even old enough to go to a bar yet. I was going to bars under a fake ID. So I was 19 when I had my first client, although I wouldn’t have called them a client. I didn’t really even know what sex work was. It was just…
Trevor Hoppe (17:49)
Hmm.
Alexander Cheves (18:05)
here’s money for sex and I wanted money and I was a kid. And I did that kind of casually for several years. And then in total, my total sex work career was over 10 years or right at 10 years.
With sex work, I mostly topped. I found it was easier, I mean, a lot of sex workers will tell you, like, it’s just easier to find work, especially in cities like LA, New York, San Francisco, cities that I lived in after college. Sex work required me to keep my hand in the topping pool. And over time, I felt that those terms split very much for me because work was topping.
Trevor Hoppe (18:29)
Mm -hmm.
Mm -hmm.
Alexander Cheves (18:47)
And so my personal life was bottoming. And when I quit sex work, which only happened, what, in 2021 or 2022? So I guess last year, the year before, was my last year working in sex. And I had to kind of re, and I’m still in the process of rediscovering my topside.
as it exists apart from sex work. Because it became so closely, topping became so closely connected to a job and bottoming became so personal that they didn’t have any overlap. And I would never top if I wasn’t getting paid. And now I’m actually learning that I do like to top, but it’s a new discovery for me. It’s a new journey.
Trevor Hoppe (19:39)
Yeah, I mean, I guess there’s something about bottoming that also just feels, I don’t know, maybe this is just my own, maybe I could pose this more as a question. Like, do you think bottoming is more intimate, feels more intimate and personal than topping almost necessarily? Or I don’t know necessarily is the word, just it’s something about it to me in my experience that just hits home in a different, I can’t even express it. It’s like, I don’t have the words, you know.
Alexander Cheves (20:07)
Yeah, I’ve wondered that too. I think that it’s easier to do detached topping or to perform literally to perform to fake as a top. Whereas bottoming, the amount of work and preparation that goes into it, like it’s a commitment that I just don’t see anybody faking bottoming unless they really, you know, want to.
bottom, which is why I think sex work and topping go so well together. A lot of sex work is a performance. A lot of it is acting. And as part of that performance, you are delivering this fantasy of a top. And I don’t know, you’re right, bottoming does, I feel like bottoming is harder. So it puts, you have to like really want to do it to do it.
Trevor Hoppe (20:55)
Yeah, I don’t –
right? And when I’m watching porn, I feel like I can, there’s something about how the bottom is reacting and experiencing it that I can be like, they’re, they’re actually a bottom and they’re actually enjoying it or like, that’s a porn star who is like muddling through somehow.
Alexander Cheves (21:13)
yeah, yeah, you can tell.
Trevor Hoppe (21:14)
You know, I don’t know, maybe you really, I feel like I can tell, but maybe it’s like gaydar, like it’s not real and it’s just in my head. But so, I mean, speaking of like not being able to tell or performance and kind of faking it, like part of my kind of mantra and thinking around sex is that part of figuring out what you like is figuring out what you don’t like along the way.
maybe just to start, can you think about a time going back as far as you like, where you walked away from an experience feeling like, you know, that was bad sex?
Alexander Cheves (21:53)
my God. I mean, so many, so many like.
Trevor Hoppe (21:57)
I know, right? I know. The list is probably long.
Alexander Cheves (22:00)
Well, I mean, also with you factor in sex work, it skews the data so much because clients, especially when I was younger and newer to sex work clients, clients believe that they have by virtue of paying you, they believe that they have unlimited access to your body and that consent no longer applies after cash is handed over and.
Trevor Hoppe (22:26)
Hmm.
Alexander Cheves (22:26)
they are surprised even like, you know, progressive experienced, nice clients are still surprised when you do exercise your no, even after transaction after deposit, after planning. and there was a time when I certainly, and I think I still struggle with this. I still, I still deliver a soft no. It’s something that I learned from 10 years of sex work. I
It’s an American, I’m not realizing living in Europe, it’s a very American thing for me. I don’t have a blunt, hard no. I try to let people down gently. I think that comes from sex work. I spent a long time just kind of trying to shrug off and play off unwarranted and unwanted touch and unwanted affection. And with clients, a lot of sex was bad because they…
would get really physical or really aggressive or move really fast and do things that I wasn’t comfortable with and that I didn’t want to do. And I didn’t know then how to say no. And I didn’t think I could because I was a sex worker. Most of the non -consensual and just flat bad sex came in sex work. I’m really lucky to say that. I think that in my personal life, I’ve had mostly…
Mostly good sex and good sex partners. I mean, there is just bad sex every now and then. Like you can’t get fully clean or guys, you know, maybe there’s just no connection, but the experiences that were legitimately scary and were legitimately lessons and taught me something about bad sex, like we’re always the ones that involve clients. Like I’ve had guys.
put drugs on their dick and then get me high without my consent or awareness during sex. And then they get more time, because I get high and I don’t realize that they’re getting me high. And then they get, you know, they pay for two hours and I’m there for six because I’m high. And I mean, that has happened more than once. You know, those are the kinds of experiences where I left those realizing like, yeah.
Trevor Hoppe (24:39)
That’s f***ed up.
Alexander Cheves (24:40)
Yeah, like that’s bad sex Yeah, like scary sex. Yeah.
Trevor Hoppe (24:44)
So it sounds like for you, a lot of it was about figuring out how to draw those boundaries with clients in particular.
Alexander Cheves (24:52)
Yeah, and still is. I think I’m still in it.
Trevor Hoppe (24:54)
And do you…
And so I guess over time, is there a way that you found, and I guess this could be applicable, I’m sure, both to people doing sex work and people not doing sex work. How do you draw those boundaries with partners in advance?
Alexander Cheves (25:09)
Hmm, well…
I do tell sex workers to enforce some very specific rules. No drugs. That will get you less clients. A lot of clients want to be high when you meet, but you kind of just…
To avoid those situations, you do have to kind of say like, no drugs, and if any evidence of drugs, I leave, and you know. But,
Trevor Hoppe (25:33)
Mm -hmm.
Alexander Cheves (25:35)
Yeah, I mean, in one’s personal life, you know, I don’t know if the no drugs rule has to apply. I mean, I don’t fully abide by that in my personal life, but…
You know, it does take time to learn what you do and don’t want. And I think that most people in that journey of learning what they do and don’t want will.
only learn their boundaries by having experiences that cross them. You know?
Trevor Hoppe (25:59)
Right, yeah, I think that’s kind of a key and it’s complicated, right? Because you wanna protect yourself from those invasions, but you don’t always know what those invasions are. So it’s hard to kind of preempt them. Yeah, exactly. what tips I guess would you have for young queer people who are trying to find that…
Alexander Cheves (26:09)
Until they happen. Yeah.
Trevor Hoppe (26:21)
to get to the best sex and they feel like they’re just having bad sex, right? They’re like, how do they cross that river to get to the good side?
Alexander Cheves (26:31)
Hmm, I get a lot of questions, you know, both on my blog and through social media from people who I think are at the early stage of that. And there’s no easy answer because you learn how to have sex over time and it’s a big learning curve.
And that’s surprising to people because you think that sex, we all operate under this myth when we’re young, that sex and pleasure, because they’re natural things, they’re natural human behaviors, should come naturally to us. And they don’t. That’s a myth. That’s not true. You have to learn how to have good sex And the body isn’t, bodies aren’t just synchronized. You know, sex isn’t just…
sex, it’s communication and experience and expectation and expectation management and, and it’s sex is a skillset that you learn over time. And you really have to put in the time and the work and the practice and the failures in order to get to a level where you can be like, okay. Now I’m good at sex Now I’m having good sex I think you do have to get through some bad sex to learn how to have good sex And,
You know, I think sex is one of those areas like any other form of learning where you need a lot of practice and you need to accept that there will be mistakes and there will be failures. And I don’t know if you can or even should avoid all of them because that’s kind of how you learn, right? I hope that nobody gets hurt. I hope that nobody gets, you know.
I became HIV positive at 21. So now I tell everybody like, it can happen, you know, use a condom, get tested, or take PrEP even better, which wasn’t really available when I was 21. But, you know, that requires access to a clinic that requires.
some knowledge of sex going into it that requires you to do a little bit of research. And if you’re in a conservative place or in a place where no one’s taught you about sex, how can you have this knowledge? How can you make these decisions? Sex is a difficult thing to learn. I think that’s why many people only grow sexually confident and proficient late, because it just takes years of learning and missteps to kind of get there. And I don’t think there are any shortcuts.
You know, maybe reading or, you know, internet research or reading the right blogs or listening to the right people can help, but you don’t, you know, I get a lot of questions from guys who want to be very advanced bottoms and they want to start taking fists and huge dicks and huge toys like as quickly as possible. And I tell them like there’s no shortcut like, and, and any attempt to do that any faster than is natural will get you hurt.
That’s where injuries come from. You kind of have to put in the time and put in the training and put in the toys and go slow, and learn you and like handle the speed bumps when they come. Cause they will come. You will get anal fissures. You will get, you will go too rough. You won’t use enough lube. Like you need that’s true of all sex, not just bottoming, but bottoming is a good example. You do need this slow build over time to get to a level of confidence. And I.
I don’t think there’s a shortcut to that.
Trevor Hoppe (30:02)
Yeah, it sounds like patience is a virtue and I hear that fully. It’s kind of shocking when you think about it that like, cause the quantity of sex that you’re talking about, right, is more, exponentially more than most people will have, many people will have in their lifetime, right? And so you think, gosh, is everybody else just walking around having, do people never get to the good sex? Right? It makes you wonder, it makes me wonder, certainly. Like, and I know that, yeah.
Alexander Cheves (30:29)
Most people.
Trevor Hoppe (30:31)
I know. So I want to be an evangelist for getting to the good stuff.
I’m just curious, if you have an encounter with someone that you feel like for whatever reason goes bad, are you willing to go back for seconds?
Alexander Cheves (30:48)
Yes.
Trevor Hoppe (30:49)
Hmm. And what about an encounter would make you willing to do that?
Alexander Cheves (30:51)
No.
Hmm, that’s a really good question. That actually gonna happen recently. I’m really into fisting and I would say that now like 75 % of my sex life is fisting, if not more. And, fisting now is gonna skew my answer even more than like regular sex, cause I feel like a bad top.
is only going to be so bad. Like, you know, like, you know, like a bad top might be too, might not be good at sex, but he’s not going to physically risk injury. He’s not going to like risk really hurting you. Whereas a bad fist top can send you to the emergency room, can send you, can, you know, and every fister who’s been fisting for any amount of time knows guys who have been sent to the ER, who have had, you know, colostomy bags like.
I know guys with their abdomen stitched up. So, you know, it happens, you know, and you, you learn, you know, people to whom this happens. So the risks are higher when you, when you have a bad fist top And so I’m more critical of bad sex when it comes to fisting. I’m, I’m less permissive of somebody. I’m less permissive of just basic ignorance and incompetence.
Like with, with regular sex, if someone’s a beginner and they are just kind of playing and experimenting, I’m not a beginner anymore, but I’ll play with the beginner. I feel like with regular sex as a top or as a bottom, I might be able to teach them something and you know, give them, or just give them, give them that practice, give them that experience. I’m not that permissive when it comes to fisting because my, my body, my health is on the line. And very recently.
recently as in a few months ago, I played with a fist top who was so rough and so aggressive that I actually left without finishing and I sent him a text message and a very long text message and I tried to word it very carefully in German and because he didn’t speak English and I texted him, you know,
You’re lucky that I was as advanced as I am because I’m, I’m fine. Like you went too rough and too fast for me. And I’ve been doing this for 10 years. If you do this, if you did what you did to me, to somebody who’s brand new to fisting, you’re going to send them to the emergency room. You’re going to really hurt somebody. And you might not realize that. I think that he eroticizes the roughness and the aggression, but you can’t do that. You know, these are people’s, this is people’s health that is on the line.
this is surgery, you know? and you can’t do that. And that started a dialogue and started a discussion and that wasn’t the last time we spoke. And I told him like, look, he was very sexy. I think he did fist a lot. I think he was just way too rough that time. And I said, okay, you know what? I’ll, I’ll meet again, but you kind of have to agree to certain terms. Like you, you have to go slow. I’m not really into.
XYZ. I have to, I basically had to state the terms of interaction for our next encounter and he abided by them. So I gave him a second chance and ended up being really great sex. So, and it’ll definitely happen again. Yeah.
Trevor Hoppe (34:24)
I love that. That’s fabulous. And I think that feedback is oftentimes we’re really scared to offer that honest feedback, I think, or at least I know I am with partners because you, you know, you just don’t know how guys are going to take it. And sometimes guys take feedback really poorly and they get angry or whatever. But, you know, men are not the best at like hearing that they’ve done something wrong, right? Or admitting that or taking accountability for it. So.
I think the future men who get fisted by this guy, thank you, right, for that feedback, because I’m sure it’s really critical for them to get better at what they’re doing and to hear that, just like to hear that someone had that experience, especially in that, when it gets rough stuff, like they think it’s, I don’t know, you get attached to these porn fantasies or these kind of scripts from erotic stories or
or Tumblr, whatever, but fantasy is not reality and you have to kind of remind people of your body, the reality of that. So I think that that’s great. And that transitions really nicely to talking about the best sex, right? Because it kind of became a good story for you thinking back, is there a partner or an experience or context where you think this is where,
Alexander Cheves (35:33)
Yeah.
Trevor Hoppe (35:52)
you know, this is a time or a context where I had the best sex.
Alexander Cheves (35:55)
OOF
I don’t know, I’m really lucky, I’ve had a lot of really good sex. Well…
Fisting, I love more than regular sex, and so I put the whole category of fisting over, you know, what I call regular sex or dick and ass sex. I used to be very kinky. Like I used to be, when I say kinky, I mean like into like bondage and leather and BDSM and, you know, sadomasochism and I had like really…
Trevor Hoppe (36:12)
Yeah.
Alexander Cheves (36:30)
Especially for that age that I was then I had like really kind of heavy serious kinks and I actually evolved out of that which You never really don’t you don’t hear a lot of people say that you hear a lot of people say I became I’ve become really kinky and now I feel like there’s a lot of people who don’t want to say too loud that they aren’t as kinky as they used to be and that’s certainly me I’m not as kinky as I used to be. I’m just into fisting I’m not into leather or
You know, I’m not into like corporal punishment or, you know, isolation or any of the heavy stuff I used to do. So my sex has only gotten better the more I’ve, the more I have learned to do just what I love and not, cause when I discovered fisting, I discovered fisting as part of the sort of fetish BDSM world.
It was lumped in with alternative sex, right? And so I thought that to be into fisting, I also have to have a leather fetish and be into rubber and be into whipping and flogging and paddling and all this other stuff. And that they all were kind of this like lump community. And I had to kind of sample all of it. Well, I did sample all of it and I actually realized, okay, I’m actually just in the. so and coming to Berlin two years ago,
Trevor Hoppe (37:24)
Mm -hmm.
Hahaha.
Alexander Cheves (37:51)
Like if my sex life was kind of cruising along, it like jumped up a level in Berlin because I feel like Berlin’s just, not only are there, not only is kink and fetish and fisting in particular so widespread here, but I think that people, because Berlin has a reputation for sex, people move here to play at a more serious level, to play at a heavier level. And it’s had that reputation for a while to where now,
The benefit, one benefit of moving here is you do find a large community of people who are playing at a more, you know, at a more serious level. And so Berlin has, so my best act has happened in the last two years. And I can’t zero in on one particular encounter. There’s been some really good ones. There’s been some really funny ones. Yeah, I mean.
cause, cause fisting is ridiculous and stupid and it doesn’t make any sense. And why is it hot? I have no idea. Why does it work? I have no idea. and then when you add in a language barrier, it becomes even more non sensical sometimes. And, and yet here in Berlin, it’s just been fisting is, just think is great in Berlin. I have like a few, a handful of.
Trevor Hoppe (38:58)
Ha ha.
Ha ha ha.
Alexander Cheves (39:14)
you know, fisting regulars that I would collectively call my best sex. Yeah.
Trevor Hoppe (39:20)
I love that. That regular thing, I heard you say on another podcast that that’s kind of new for you, that you didn’t used to have regulars and now you’ve kind of cultivated that for yourself. What do you think changed? Why do you think now you seek out that kind of regularity?
Alexander Cheves (39:32)
Yeah.
For a very specific reason, because with fisting, every time you play with somebody new, you kind of have to relearn their body and relearn their limits every time. So you’re kind of starting from the beginning every time you play with somebody new. Playing with somebody new every time holds the risk that you’re going to encounter like a crazy person, you know, somebody who has no knowledge of safety or limits or boundaries and…
And so it’s actually just safer if you want to advance and, and, and I’m trying to advance and really, you know, focus on my fisting life. that has required regulars, just to kind of like, cause then it becomes almost like training, you know? So.
Trevor Hoppe (40:25)
Yeah, yeah, there’s almost this relationship to the kind of intensity of the play and that desire for or not even desire the, it’s not even convenience. There’s something else to it of just the regularity allows for probably a deeper level of exploration that would be possible with a newbie.
Alexander Cheves (40:47)
Yeah, yeah, like with a regular partner, they know where I’m at. They know my ability level. They can push me more safely. Like if I wanna try like, say I buy like, well, like this happened recently. I bought this big new toy and…
It’s bigger and longer than anything I’ve bought before. And it was kind of like an impulse purchase. And I was really surprised when I could actually like sit on it. and I was so proud of myself and I brought it to this regular fisting playmate that I have who has like 30 years of experience. He was fisting back in the seventies. And so he was truly like a fisting pro. And I was playing with him.
Trevor Hoppe (41:17)
hehe
Alexander Cheves (41:33)
And I was telling him to use the toy and like, and I was like, go harder, go deeper, like all the way, all the way. And he stopped and he said, I’m sorry, I have to interrupt the session. You’re not there yet. You’re telling me to push further than what I, he’s like, he’s like, I hear what you’re saying, but like I’m in your body right now. I’m reading your body and I know that you are pushing it. You’re trying to like.
go further than I know you can go to. And he said, and I’m telling you this as a friend and as someone who cares about you, slow down, you’re gonna get hurt. And he was like, you’re not immune from injury just because you’ve been doing this for 10 years. And he was like, I have friends who have been doing this for 20 years and they do get hurt. And he kind of schooled me. he put me in my place and he said, I’ve played with you many times. I know where you’re at. You need to…
Trust me and let me take over rather than telling me what to do because you’re telling me to go harder than what you can take. And it totally killed the mood. In hindsight, I texted him after and I said, you know, thank you so much for doing that. And you can only have that conversation with a regular, somebody who knows your body.
Trevor Hoppe (42:55)
Exactly. Yeah, it’s just someone who knows your limits and you trust. I think that trust thing is really key to being able to trust someone in that context is critical when the risks are more potentially high. So, I mean, it sounds like regularity has been one strategy to find that best sex, right? For you and to specifically within that fisting context.
Alexander Cheves (43:18)
review.
Trevor Hoppe (43:23)
Is it important to you or your partners whether people have orgasms in the context of your sexual encounters?
Alexander Cheves (43:31)
Whether I do or whether my partners do.
Trevor Hoppe (43:34)
Yeah, either one.
Alexander Cheves (43:35)
I still kind of always want my partners to cum. I might have a fisting orgasm, which is totally different. With fisting, I often don’t like ejaculate cum. In fact, a lot of times I don’t even get hard, but I do kind of always want my partners to cum just because I want to. That’s almost like a…
I think it’s almost for like my own validation to like, okay, I need evidence that you had a good time. So yeah, yeah, but I’m not, I’m not, I tell everybody, like, I’m not hard set on coming for myself. It’s not, it’s not a necessity for me.
Trevor Hoppe (44:07)
-huh.
And tell me about this fisting orgasm, because I heard you use that term in another podcast, and I don’t think people are familiar with that. So what is that experience like?
Alexander Cheves (44:28)
Whew, that’s a great question. One that I have been asked before. You should ask like 10 different fist bottoms to describe a fisting orgasm because you will get 10 different answers. People are surprised to learn that you can have an anal orgasm. And I’ve had anal orgasms from anal sex before where I orgasm from, you know, getting f***ed
They feel similar. The first time I had an anal orgasm was from fisting, but since then I’ve had anal orgasms from, you know, dick sex too. And they feel similar. Just the fisting orgasm feels a little bit more intense because it’s a bigger thing inside me. It’s more pressure. Me and my friend, Kellen, both describe ours very similarly. Kellen, on the internet, he’s known as Falcon Punch.
Trevor Hoppe (44:54)
from prostate simulation effectively. Yeah.
The pressure, yeah.
Alexander Cheves (45:20)
and he’s a fister in Chicago and we both can’t catch a breath and our whole body like shakes. I’m loud. He’s loud. We like yell and moan. and it’s just this like weird full body orgasm that may or may not, like I, we rarely ejaculate. There’s really like ejaculation. Most were not even hard, but it’s a full body kind of shaking, roaring orgasm from anal stimulation. And it’s very intense. I mean, I almost don’t like to do it in public. So like at like a sex party or in the back room of a club, because I’m so loud that like, it sounds like someone’s giving birth to a cow. Like I’m, I like yell. So I don’t like to do it at an event because people will like turn and look and be like, are you okay? I–No, I’m fine.
but yeah, that’s a, that’s a lot of people pee. So yeah, cause it’s definitely, yeah. Yeah. Cause if you think about it, yeah.
Trevor Hoppe (46:21)
yeah, you kind of lose control of bodily function. Yeah, yeah, it’s all near each other.
So do think, so I am not trained in tantric, like sex, that is not something I’ve ever taken classes in or really that familiar with, but that experience sounds almost kind of similar to the way that tantric gets talked about, that it’s like this sort of full body can become like a full body orgasm moment that’s not about your dick at all. I think that’s the thing that’s hard for
many men to understand is that our concept of the orgasm is so rooted in their phallus, right? And this is an experience that is rooted in your ass, right? It’s different.
Alexander Cheves (47:10)
Well, I think that that’s changing. I think that like sex toys for men, especially like prostate stimulation. When I worked for a sex toy company, the highest selling, the highest selling group of, you know, class category of toys were prostate stimulation toys, which aren’t really dildos. You know, a dildo might stimulate your prostate, but
It’s not really designed to do that. Whereas P -Spot toys, which are only as new as like the last, you know, 30 years, like they, they are a rapidly selling branch of the toy market. And that tells me that men who probably wouldn’t necessarily have anal sex are discovering that there’s a whole pleasure locus point in the a**
that, you know, through the prostate that’s only achieved through anal penetration. And I, and so I do, I hope that men are learning that there’s more ways to orgasm than just shooting a load. I mean, I would hope so. I, I feel like with the age of the internet, that’s that information is getting out there more, but maybe not. I don’t know.
Trevor Hoppe (48:26)
Well, it’s tough because you watch porn, right? And like, there’s only one depiction of, I mean, really, I mean, I don’t know that I’ve ever, I’d have to think about it. Have I ever seen an anal orgasm, a true anal orgasm in porn? I don’t watch fisting porn, so that’s, you know, I haven’t seen, I don’t know, is that something depicted in fisting porn? I’m really actually curious.
Alexander Cheves (48:48)
Actually, no, I don’t think so. I mean, well, because it might not, probably some fisting porn, but the problem with an anal orgasm is that it rarely comes with the visual of ejaculation. I feel like ejaculating is such a graphic visual. It’s literally called the money shot in porn. I mean, if you just kind of quiver and moan,
You’re feeling something amazing, but I don’t know if it’s that exciting to watch on camera. So no, I think there are a lot of, you know, orgasms on camera, which is a shame because, you know, I wish we saw that more, but that’s, that’s like one of the beautiful things that you see in real life that I don’t think porn could ever capture.
Trevor Hoppe (49:31)
Well, it’s kind of like the female ejaculation, right? It’s like this kind of mythical thing to some, I think. They’re like, does this really exist? And is it real? Is it just performative? And I think you’re here to say that it is real. It is not performative. And I am here for that because I think getting in touch with our butts is always a good thing, for sure.
So thank you for that, because I think many men need to hear that message for sure. So I think I kind of have a sense, but I’m curious if you had to put words to it, if you were going to like build a bear, a fantasy partner, like what would be the elements of them that would be the foundation to having the best sex
Alexander Cheves (49:59)
Thank you.
A partner as in like a sexual partner or a romantic partner?
Trevor Hoppe (50:25)
sexual partner.
Alexander Cheves (50:28)
because I would first clarify that for me, those are two very different things.
Well, I’m, I’m, I’m more bottom than top. Not 100 % bottom, I’m not a total bottom, but I am more bottom than top.
I guess someone who is a top who is not only physically attractive to me, but is someone I’m very attracted to people I can learn from people who have more skill than me or at least as much skill as I do and can now communicate as competently in sex as I can, but can.
back that up, you know, so guys have been, you know, guys have been fisting for some years, you know, or been topping for some time and they, you know, I mean, not even necessarily a fist top, although I would certainly put fist tops in like the dream category, but, but, but tops that have been topping long enough to kind of.
Trevor Hoppe (51:34)
Yeah.
Alexander Cheves (51:41)
have some some years on them you know they they have they’ve been doing this a while they know how to make a butt feel good
I mean, let’s face it, there’s no lighter way to say this. Like I’m a fist bottom. So if a guy is like looking for like a brand new type virginal hole, you know, I can’t, I’m not gonna be that. And when I meet a guy who I’ve played with guys and you know, they don’t want to say it, but you can, I know the look now in their eyes where they’re like, can you like…
Trevor Hoppe (52:02)
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Alexander Cheves (52:18)
squeeze, you know, and yeah, and I’ll just be like, well, this makes me feel, you know, sorry. I mean, I can’t change it. It’s my body. And, you know, and, and I don’t think that’s necessarily a sign of a novice top, but there, but you know, if a top knows how to like, please a skilled experienced hole and that’s certainly.
Trevor Hoppe (52:18)
Tighten up.
Alexander Cheves (52:42)
That’s certainly higher value to me than somebody who doesn’t know what to do when they start having sex with me. And I have enough of those that make me feel like, like it is, it is a point of insecurity. Like I’ve been having sex when I’ve been asking somebody like, does it, does it feel good? You know, and they, to their credit, they try to answer nicely, but I can tell they’re being nice and, and that’s not, I’m not interested in those guys. So.
Trevor Hoppe (53:04)
Yeah.
Yeah, amen. It sounds like because there’s all this rhetoric around tops and bottoms that bottoms kind of worship the top. But I wonder the way you just talked about it, it sounds like you actually also want a top who kind of you say make a butt feels good, but there’s there’s kind of a element of reciprocal. Worship is one word. Maybe you would use another word, but something like that that.
in a kind of ideal context that it’s kind of, there’s a circuit going on where it’s a feedback loop.
Alexander Cheves (53:46)
I want someone who wants to make me feel good. Yeah. And I want to, and I think that’s a really beautiful way to describe it. Good sex happens when both partners are committed to the other person’s pleasure. And there is this whole top worship thing that goes on that is absurd because, you know, sex that’s fully focused on the top’s pleasure.
won’t actually be good for the top. That won’t be satisfying sex You know, people are turned on by pleasing other people and you want to meet in that synchronicity where I’m trying to please him and he’s trying to please me and that feels really beautiful. And the thing is I like rough sex and even degrading sex and even in kinky degrading sex where there is…
a degree of power exchange, that doesn’t mean that I want someone who isn’t trying to make me feel good. Like you can be a dominant playmate and be in charge and be in control and still be focused on your bottom’s pleasure. In fact, I feel like the bad tops, the scary tops fall into the category of dominant tops who aren’t interested in bottom’s pleasure.
I’ve had plenty of those and they are not repeats. So…
Trevor Hoppe (55:11)
Yeah, yeah, that’s fair. Like, and good for you for knowing how to draw that line. Cause I think as a bottom, there’s just so much rhetoric around there that like your pleasure doesn’t matter. And it’s a fantasy, right? And I think people have a hard time differentiating the fantasy from the reality. Like, you know, actually I should be having sex that feels good, right? Like even if I’m participating in this degrading scene where that’s not.
on paper supposed to be happening, like that is happening in real life. So I appreciate that because I think especially in this gay world where top bottom gets so, people just get so caught up, it’s important to remember the reality of it. Cause why else are we having sex if it’s not gonna be good, right? Like, what’s the point? I don’t know. What…
Well, I think we’ve covered it to an extent and maybe, you know, it’s just something we’ve done. But just to nail it home for us, what would be your top tips for people listening to find the best sex?
Alexander Cheves (56:23)
My top tips.
There’s a few. Bottoming is very hard. And I don’t think that you necessarily learn how to be a better bottom by having more sex. Sex toys exist for a reason. And I think that they are… they are seen as kind of accoutrements of sex. When in fact, I think that beginner bottoms should shift their perspective of sex toys and see sex toys as…
solo toys that are primarily useful for training and for, you know, learning, learning your own body. I mean, God, it all goes back to RuPaul. If you can’t love yourself, like, which if you can’t please yourself, if you can’t know yourself, what feels good to your own body, then how are you ever going to be able to communicate that to somebody else? I think that’s.
as true with love as it is with sex And that’s why sex toys are so valuable, to know what sensations feel good in your own butt. And, you know, I don’t know how that would necessarily work for tops, but I mean, tops should cultivate a strong self -pleasure life. I think, you know, I know tops that, I do know a few tops that like,
Trevor Hoppe (57:28)
Hm hm.
Alexander Cheves (57:41)
mostly are having sex and they’re not heavy masturbators, they don’t watch a lot of porn, or they don’t have a solo seggsual relationship with themselves. I don’t think that they tend to be the best. I think that the best sex seggsual playmates have a strong seggsual relationship with self first, whether you’re top or bottom. And to cultivate that is this really rewarding life journey that I think everybody needs to go on. So…
Really prioritize self pleasure. Really learn your own body first. cause then you know, it feels good. and beyond that, I mean, that’s kind of the number one tip that I would say. I would say number two,
to have a lot of sex and to not silo yourself into this or that category. because sexual prowess, sexual confidence comes from years of experience. learn from partners. It’s okay to be ignorant about something. It’s okay to ask questions. Every sexual encounter can teach you something and should. and if you have partners that.
don’t like want to talk about sex, they just want to do it. I don’t know if you’re ever going to like get very far with them. You know, sex is just as much a dialogue and discussion as it is an activity and you want to learn from the people you’re playing with. And if you can find those people who can not only have sex with you, but also discuss the sex and assess the sex and discuss ways to make it better. I mean, really keep them, hold on to them. Cause those are the, those are the sex partners that you’ll grow from and learn from.
Trevor Hoppe (59:13)
Mm.
Alexander Cheves (59:17)
and that might not be a random grinder hookup, you know, there’s no way to face it, but the guy who walks in and f***s you and leaves might be fun, but you’re not going to grow from that encounter. you know, and I don’t think any, I don’t, that’s not to say that I think people should not have hot, intense, anonymous sex. I still do. I love that there’s a time and place for that. But when I was growing sexually, I needed people that I could grow with.
I think that’s how you get better. And then you just need time. You just need years. Another point would be… I mean, I feel like this is said enough, but it deserves saying again, porn is porn. It’s a fantasy. I’ve directed porn. I mean, even porn stars don’t have sex like this. Like, I have cleaned off so much shit and so many messes from porn sets.
that get totally edited out. Like porn stars don’t have perfect sex. There is no, like nobody has sex like this. It’s all editing. It’s all performance. And if you judge your own life by what you see in porn, especially with how easy porn is findable on Twitter, you will feel very defeated and you’ll feel very unadvanced. And I think that that doesn’t necessarily, it can be hot, but it doesn’t help anybody learn.
how to cultivate sex, good sex in real life. I fall into that trap. I follow all these fisters on Twitter. And when I, if I spend any amount of time on fisting Twitter, I think that I’m the most unadvanced 10 year fister I know. And that’s because the algorithm makes people who have these insane videos, you know, it seems like.
Trevor Hoppe (1:00:57)
Yeah, it pops. Yeah.
Alexander Cheves (1:00:59)
Yeah. And, and I think a lot of the fisters on Twitter that are really famous are competing and are playing to a dangerous level and they will get hurt. And they are trying to kind of like out impress the other by going deeper and harder and faster. And that’s not only not realistic, but dangerous. And I think that’s true for a lot of sex So don’t compare your sex life to what you see online. Compare it to.
Like, are you better than, are you, are you enjoying sex more than you did two years ago? I think that, and if you, and if that’s a yes, then you’re on the right track. And I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t seek any other validation than that, but you know, am I enjoying sex more than I used to? Yes. Okay. Keep going. yeah.
Trevor Hoppe (1:01:32)
Hmm.
toy, have a lot of sex, have sex with people you can grow with and don’t compare yourself to porn. That’s pretty fricking good rule book to live by. I love that. Thank you. So I’m going to end every interview segment with my favorite little ditty, Sordid Lives and Untold Tales, S.L.U.T. for short. What’s the sluttiest thing you ever did?
Alexander Cheves (1:01:56)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
What’s the sluttiest thing I ever did? Yeah, my god. The sluttiest thing I ever did.
Trevor Hoppe (1:02:14)
That’s a hard one for you.
Alexander Cheves (1:02:21)
Well, okay, I…
I used to go to Black Party in New York a lot. This was before I actually started working for the Saint at Large for a little bit, which puts on the Black Party. Back when I was just an attendee, I went to the Black Party that everybody seemed to hate, which was, the theme was Dark Matter It was the last one, I think, that happened in Manhattan. And I think it was the one, it was the Black, it was Black Party 2017 or 2018. I can’t remember which.
And I had a marker with me and so I actually did my own load count, my own load tally. And I took a lot of drugs and some, some that was back when my life was a little, it was a bit messier than it is now. And so I had a less healthy relationship with drugs than, than I do now. And I did a lot of drugs and I was there literally it’s like a 24 hour party, if not longer, like it lasts for two days.
And I was there literally from the beginning to the end, like when the lights came on and I later tallied up the tally marks and it was 44. And I was like, I was like, all right, like I’m really, really proud of this. I think most people probably, you know, some people, I had sex in one event, then more sex than what some people have in their whole lives. And so.
Trevor Hoppe (1:03:28)
Yeah.
Alexander Cheves (1:03:43)
And at the time I was not proud of it, but in hindsight, especially here in Berlin, I can tell that story and guys are like, okay, sure. Whatever. but, yeah, I out Dawson’d Dawson. So yeah.
Trevor Hoppe (1:03:51)
Yeah. You out Dawson’d Dawson.
I love that. I mean, I just try to add that bit to the end because I think we all have these stories that, as you say, in the moment, you might feel some kind of way about, but we should celebrate those moments of achievement, if they may be, or just pleasure or whatever. And so thank you for sharing that,
Alexander Cheves (1:04:00)
Thank you.
Trevor Hoppe (1:04:17)
Thank you Alexander Cheves for making the time and sharing your stories. I am so grateful.
Alexander Cheves (1:04:23)
Thank you so much. I’m so grateful for the work that you put out into the world. It’s so inspiring to me. And it’s been a pleasure in the past working with you and I’m so happy that you’re doing this podcast.
Trevor Hoppe (1:04:35)
That’s our show for today. Thank you so much for listening. And remember, if you’re not having your best gay sex, I can help. As a sex coach, my services can help you identify and overcome barriers that are standing between you and your best sex life. Find out more on my website, thebestgaysex.net. Thanks again for listening. Till next time.
