OVERVIEW:
Monogamy? In the gay community? I know, I know—it’s practically a four-letter word. But today, we’re talking about why monogamy is valid (and that’s on period). My guest, award-winning male drag entertainer Jersey O’Mari Lavish, grew up with two preacher parents who showed him what commitment could look like. But navigating love and sex as a gay man in a world that doesn’t always celebrate monogamy? That’s a different story. We get into it all—coming out in a religious household, learning the hard way (literally) about safe sex, and why some men treat monogamy like a curse word. Oh, and the time Jersey had a very risqué moment in a U-Haul. Let’s talk love, sex, and commitment—no shame, no judgment, just real talk.
TRANSCRIPT:
Trevor Hoppe (00:09)
Hey, welcome to the Best Gay Sex Podcast. I’m your host, Dr. Trevor Hoppe. Today’s episode is about monogamy. Yeah, monogamy, I said it. I know, I know. In the gay community, monogamy can get a bad rap. And I understand why. We spend our entire lives as queer men being told that our way of having sex is wrong, deviant, even sinful.
So for many of us, it’s a perfectly natural reaction to basically give the middle finger to the straight community and say, you know what? I don’t want anything to do with the way that you say we should be doing this. Like, you think my sex is bad? Well, I think your sex is bad. I get it. It can be like that sometimes, but today’s guest reminds us that monogamy is valid and that’s on period. Jersey O’Maria Lavish is a multiple title award winning
male drag entertainer. Born to not one, but two preachers up in New Jersey, his parents moved him down south to Hope Mills, North Carolina when he was just a child. And it’s really his parents’ love for each other and commitment to each other that showed him how monogamy could work and what it would look like. Let’s listen in.
Trevor Hoppe (01:31)
Jersey Omari Lavish, welcome to the Best Gay Sex Podcast.
Jersey (01:35)
Hey, hey, glad to be here.
Trevor Hoppe (01:38)
I have seen you around town many years here in Charlotte, North Carolina, but tell people a little bit. You’re a male entertainer and tell people a little bit about what that means.
Jersey (01:49)
So I’m a male entertainer, so just like what females do or drag queens do, but I just stay a male, know, dress up in costumes, makeup, travel to different cities and perform and things like that. And I’ve been doing that since 2017. So it’s definitely been a great hobby for me and I love it.
Trevor Hoppe (02:08)
Yeah, it’s kind of fabulous and it is this interesting combination of masculinity and some femininity. I don’t know. Is that a fair read?
Jersey (02:17)
think it more so depends on the person that you’re talking to because over the course of a few years now, I have experienced where when you tell a guy that you do drag, they may not understand it and they immediately just stop talking to you. And then even if you try to explain it to them, some initially at the beginning are okay with it and then they’re like, no, I don’t think I can handle that. So I just tell everybody upfront and then.
lets you make your own assessment from Nia.
Trevor Hoppe (02:46)
Yeah, definitely. So you present, just so people understand, because I think outside of the southern United States, I do not encounter this category of male entertainer very often. It’s, it’s not as you’re not a stripper. It’s it’s not that you’re not a drag queen. It’s this other category where you perform as a man. You’re like you’re not you’re there’s no wig. There’s no like drag makeup. It may be makeup, but it’s like masculine.
Jersey (03:05)
Yes.
Trevor Hoppe (03:13)
you know, well, I shouldn’t say, don’t know. How would you define that relationship to these traditionally feminine things like makeup and kind of performing and dress up?
Jersey (03:22)
See, if I could find a man like you who understands, that would be great. But just like you said, yes, not a stripper. Sex does sell, but you do it in a way to where you still keep it professional and things like that. Yes, drag makeup, but mainly I only wear makeup when I’m competing, never when I’m performing.
Trevor Hoppe (03:27)
you
Jersey (03:44)
And listen, it brings happiness to a lot of people. I make good money performing and things like that as a hobby. So, you know, it’s very entertaining and fun.
Trevor Hoppe (03:54)
No question about it. I have been thoroughly entertained, believe me. Cause it is, as you say, sex sells. So there is an element of sexuality to it, but there’s also an element of dance and performance. I don’t know. It’s, it’s really fabulous. So I, I’m, I’m just in awe of this category and I wish more people got to experience it around the country and around the world. Cause it’s really quite a fabulous genre. And you, you have won many titles. Is that right?
Jersey (03:55)
Okay.
Me too.
I
had love, I had…
Trevor Hoppe (04:23)
What was the most like crowning achievement for you so far?
Jersey (04:27)
I said for me, think the best, the biggest title that I’ve ever won is out of Atlanta, it’s called Peach State Being that it’s like top tier drag and you know, we always say to really understand drag and you know, to hone your skills, Florida and Atlanta will definitely teach you those things.
And when I won, I competed against, I think it was either like five or six guys. And so that was a big moment on my first try to get it. So I’m very proud of that.
Trevor Hoppe (04:59)
Wow.
And what is the peace state, right? What is that? Like, what is that? Peach state. I see now, of course, Georgia. Georgia peaches. Well, we love peaches. I love peaches around here for sure. Well, congratulations on all your success, but winding back to before all of that, tell us a little bit about where you grew up.
Jersey (05:06)
Peach State.
state, yeah.
Georgia Peaches, there you go.
So I’m originally from Jersey City, New Jersey.
Just me and my mother are from there. And then I think in my teen years, we moved down south and I lived in, lived and went to school, Hope Mills, North Carolina. So, southern about trade, guess, because I said that’s where majority of my life has been spent. So.
Trevor Hoppe (05:45)
And if people don’t know Hope Mills, Hope Mills is a pretty small town outside of Fayetteville. Shout out to my best friend who lives from Hope Mills too. Yeah. What was it like growing up gay or did you, is that a word you used then? Like what was it like to be different growing up then?
Jersey (05:53)
Hey, Justin.
So of course you do notice that down south and then northern way of living, especially when it comes to being gay is very different. For me, both of my parents are preachers. So I’m a “PK” So of course in my household, being gay was a sin. It was bad.
It was almost like no matter how well you was doing in school, you never been to jail, da da da da da. Just being gay just seemed like to be the end all be all. And for me, took me, it took a while for me to come out. I did it when I was 17. I remember the day where I was at. I think it was Christmas day.
Trevor Hoppe (06:53)
my gosh.
Jersey (06:54)
Christmas day and my phone kept ringing. I it was the guy that I was dating at the time. Of course, I’m still in high school. And my mom kept saying, my mother kept saying, who keep calling you? Who keeps calling you? I’m just like, don’t worry about it. Don’t worry about it. So I think I had just put my phone down somewhere and then she ended up picking the phone up. And she asked, she said, who is this? And why you keep calling my son?
And he was like, well, who are you? And he was like, I thought this was his phone. She said, that’s not what I asked you. And then, they went back and forth. She ended up hanging up on him. And then she asked me, is there anything you want to tell me? Right then and there, I just had got tied a line. And I was just like, I’m gagged.
gay, your son is gay. She cried and then my father told me he was like, well, you can’t live anymore if you’re going to be gay. I said, wow. So I packed up, up all my stuff and I called my neighbor that lives across the street at the time and I was like, my parents just found that I was gay. I need somewhere to stay. Can I stay with you? His parents was fine with it. They let me stay. I stayed there for one week.
My mom called me, she was like, you gotta come back home. So I went back.
Trevor Hoppe (08:12)
How was that reunion?
Jersey (08:13)
They didn’t talk to me for two weeks when I came back. It was two weeks they didn’t say one word to me.
And then I think after a period, my mother, she just learned to adapt. She got over it. And my father, even still to this day.
It’s like the worst thing in the world,
Trevor Hoppe (08:34)
Yeah.
Do you have a relationship with your father currently?
Jersey (08:36)
No, I haven’t spoken to that man in… since 20… my mother… let see, my mother passed in 2018. I haven’t spoken to that man since 2019.
Trevor Hoppe (08:51)
Wow. I’m so sorry, that’s hard.
Jersey (08:53)
And that’s my choice.
My sister tells me every now and then, he wants to have a relationship with you. He wants to, I guess, try to fix what he did wrong. I’m good on that. My piece is more important to me now. And at the time, he had all the chances in the world to make it right.
you didn’t so I choose not that relationship.
Trevor Hoppe (09:16)
Sometimes that can be the best way forward, but it’s really hard. can’t imagine not having that relationship. do you find parallels to family in, in like the gay community?
Jersey (09:29)
So I will say that I’m grateful for my drag father, for being, or my drag parents, for stepping in at the time that they did.
and being there when I need them. can go, because they live in Florida, so I can go visit them when I need to, you know, just get away or if I just need to talk to somebody about something. I have them there for that. And then I always think about also, even if I didn’t have them, it’s always people in place. I feel like my mother, when she passed, she put people in place for me to have on her behalf since she was there no more.
Trevor Hoppe (10:04)
Hmm, that’s… No, that’s love. I mean, that’s care and compassion and…
Jersey (10:05)
I know it’s probably like a weird way to think about it. That’s what I think.
Trevor Hoppe (10:11)
What, when you say drag father and drag parents, so some people probably aren’t familiar with that concept, like what does that mean? How did you meet these people? What do they, what did they do for you?
Jersey (10:22)
So I met, so his name is Amari Lavish and I met him.
I think I met him back in 2018 as well. It was just a go compete for a pageant that he was giving up. And at that time, you know, we had talked a lot and just became closer and things like that. And, you know, he just asked me, said, can I mentor you and, you know, be your drag father, whatever. And so at the time, sometimes you think like that all that has to do with is, you know, just the drag aspect.
But no, he understands.
because he has three kids of his own. But he also understands the aspect of there’s more to being a parent, being your drag parent than just drag. We understand you have real life, you have things going on. And he’s been doing this for so long. It’s like, he understands like, my kids need to talk to me, if you need this, this, that I can help you and guide you along. Because it’s almost like I’ve been there before, so.
let me help you not make the same mistakes that I made or what can we do to figure out a situation. So I’m always grateful and appreciative of.
Trevor Hoppe (11:25)
Yeah, that’s wonderful that he came to you offering that mentorship because I think sometimes we look for that, but it’s hard to ask for because, know, so that’s a really a gift that he offered that to you.
Jersey (11:37)
exactly.
Trevor Hoppe (11:38)
Yeah. And also it’s just kind of a wild coincidence to think that your mother passed the same year that this person entered your life. Have you thought about that?
Jersey (11:48)
You know what, that is so crazy. I’ve never thought about that aspect. Because when that like, I would say like that was the worst year of my entire life. And I’m 40. And the crazy part about it is my favorite aunt died like nine months before my mother did. So we had.
Trevor Hoppe (11:58)
Yeah.
my gosh.
Jersey (12:12)
eight or nine months, so we bury her, because she was my favorite aunt. And I’m like, and she helped raise me too. So she passed in January and then my mother passed in September. September. So yeah, that was just a terrible year for me.
Trevor Hoppe (12:27)
Well, I’m glad that you have your drag father to kind of help, you know, obviously can’t do all the things that a mother can, but at least can help parent a little bit. We all need parents, even if we’re 40, you know, it’s challenging out there. So you grew up in Jersey, you’re moving to Hope Mills and you’re dating this guy, and your mom finds out and you get…
Jersey (12:33)
All right.
Trevor Hoppe (12:52)
It’s less that you came out and more you kind of got outed. had the same experience. I relate to that. It’s like, everyone’s like, congratulations on coming out so early. And you’re like, well, it’s not really, it wasn’t volitional. It kind of just happened to me. Yeah. So I feel that in a big way, but what were those first relationships like when it comes to sex? Like how was that exploring that sexuality in those early years?
Jersey (12:56)
Yes.
Right.
Mmmmm
You know, not knowing what you’re doing and not knowing the importance of safe sex, especially back then and the risks and things that you could catch. Because at that age, you really just don’t care. It’s almost like you’re just a free spirit. You just do everything.
And then, because I’ve always learned that you don’t really care about something until it happens to you. So like you have friends who, you know, maybe dealing with this or going through all of this, but until it affects you, it seems, you know, really.
So I didn’t really want to be like that. So then I’m glad kind of at like an early age, I would say maybe 21, 22, understanding safe sex is not a bad thing. It’s not a bad thing. mean, of course it doesn’t feel as good, but back then it was important. So I’m grateful for that. I’ll say that.
Trevor Hoppe (14:11)
Yeah.
You
Yeah.
Yeah, we’re talking about like around 2005, 20 years ago or so where there was no PrEP. So you didn’t have the luxury of sort of feeling protected in that way. Did you experience a lot of pressure to not practice safe sex?
Jersey (14:41)
So I went to school, once I graduated high school, went to college in Atlanta.
And I don’t know for those that have been to Atlanta, it’s a big gay scene down there. listen, I don’t know nobody for the sexual practices that they do. Hey, I’ve done them. So it’s not a big, it was never big for safe sex down there. Bareback and unprotected sex is a huge thing.
Trevor Hoppe (14:52)
Mm-hmm.
Jersey (15:11)
I would say yes, I definitely got pressured a lot.
And I’ll just say, thank God that I didn’t catch anything. I’m grateful for that.
I appreciate life and I love life. So that’s it.
Trevor Hoppe (15:23)
Amen, amen. What strategies, like, because a lot of young people face this reality where they don’t know how to stand up for themselves and what they want. How are you navigating that? Do you have any strategies or tricks or mantras that you would tell yourself? Like, how did you stand up for what you needed and wanted?
Jersey (15:43)
I’ll just say I’m grateful for a no-nonsense mother that I had for instilling in both her kids.
the importance of standing up for yourself. Because our thing was always, she always had a saying like, mama can’t always be there to have you back. And she’s like, and you got to be able to know how to speak up for yourself and do things for yourself. And she had another big thing where she was like,
I’ll help my children, but I first gotta see, I gotta make sure that you’re wanting to help yourself. So I can’t help you if you’re not helping yourself, so.
Trevor Hoppe (16:15)
Wow.
Jersey (16:17)
So those things always still with me then, I take them with me every day now.
Trevor Hoppe (16:23)
That’s so sweet and real. It’s funny to think that a question like that would yield your mom’s advice, but it’s real. That carries through you to all aspects of your life.
Jersey (16:24)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Trevor Hoppe (16:37)
Did you have any experiences in those early days where you look back and you think, my gosh, that was awful.
Jersey (16:44)
you
I wouldn’t say awful, I would say more so.
Yeah, I wouldn’t say awful. I look at everything as a learning aspect. was like, so thinking about some of the, you know, the guys I may have been interested in or dated or things that didn’t work out. And then later on you see and you’ll be like, okay, I see why now why that didn’t work out. Thank you for that. And so, yeah, I wouldn’t say bad. Everything’s a learning aspect. So I’m grateful for all the things that I went through. It hurt.
But it helped. I say that.
Trevor Hoppe (17:18)
Well, I love that reframing because that’s my whole thing is like a lot of us talk about bad sex and I think there’s no way to have good sex without first probably having some bad sex. Like it’s just kind of the name of the game and you learn something from those experiences. So what what lessons do you remember learning the hard way like that?
Jersey (17:38)
So I am grateful early on learning as far as pleasuring your partner. What I mean by that is sometimes you can notice that it’s one-sided. And…
You just don’t want it to be that. Because you’re like, if there’s certain things that I like. So my way of thinking is like, if there’s certain things that I like, I have to assume that you like the same things too. So what do we do? You either just ask. Because you can’t always assume. Because if you assume, that’s just disastrous in itself. But I mean, I have had some bad sexual experiences.
and
what it taught me was. like bad experiences meaning so younger, when I was younger, I used to enjoy eating ass. Used to be a great thing for me. Then I had two bad experiences in my life. Like it was really, really bad. Where both guys, I guess they just forgot to clean out real good.
Trevor Hoppe (18:31)
you
Yeah.
Jersey (18:49)
And then you, you know, you go in there. So the first guy, you know, put my tongue in there and.
Yeah, I was kind of sick after that. Then the second guy, when it happened again, which, and I just said stop for the longest time. So when he came over, he was like, he was like, I just got out of the shower. I said, okay, cool. So you’re just fresh out of the shower. Boom. And then, so when I bent him over to eat his ass or whatever, there was a bad smell in the air.
Trevor Hoppe (18:57)
Mm-hmm.
Jersey (19:22)
And so it was just immediately over for me at that point. And he was like, are you going to do it? What? No. I said, you can go home now. I said, yeah, this is not going to happen. And so after that, had been years and I had stopped. And then, you know, probably I would say about two, three years ago, I started doing it again, but I couldn’t understand.
you know, when, why guys would be so upset before then when they would ask like, could you just do it? And I would be like, no. And I would tell them why. And then they would be annoyed. I get it because I enjoy tongue in mind. It feels good. It feels amazing. So what I’ve been, what I should have been doing is I just said, you know what?
Trevor Hoppe (20:02)
Heh heh heh, yeah. Mm-hmm.
Jersey (20:13)
I gotta see you coming out of the shower.
Trevor Hoppe (20:15)
Hahaha, yeah.
Jersey (20:17)
And that’s how we fix that issue.
and fix it.
Trevor Hoppe (20:18)
I feel you
on a deep way that I don’t, I guess part of it is that there’s no proper sex education and so people just don’t always know. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt that it’s, I don’t think people are intentionally going around trying to inflict that on people unless they’re into it and again, know, whatever, but I don’t think these people probably were into that. They just didn’t know and that’s really challenging. So.
Good for you for sticking up for yourself and not getting yourself into a situation that could have been like a health problem potentially. Yeah. Yeah. I feel that hygiene is a big one. I definitely hear that from people. we talked a little bit before the call and the recording that you today have mostly practiced monogamy.
Jersey (20:53)
I said twice? I was like, my God.
Trevor Hoppe (21:11)
What brought you to that?
Jersey (21:12)
So it was mainly, you know, watching my parents and my mother was big on that.
Like I told you before I said she…
was always instilling in us, cause I have a sister too. And she said, my sister, always want to find a man like your father in that aspect. The treat you well, know, those, these things, XYZ for you. So just seeing how their relationship was growing up, how he treated her and things like that, you get a sense of that’s how people should be treated. And then when I first got into my first long-term relationship,
He was the same way. Of course, you know, he initially lied about a couple of things in the beginning, but over the course of that year that me and him worked together, I understood.
slightly I guess what a relationship of that what a good relationship could look like and how a man should treat you so I’m forever grateful for that
Trevor Hoppe (22:07)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah. What does monogamy mean to you?
Jersey (22:13)
Monogamy to me is one plus one. It’s just us. Sharing life experiences, being there for one another, communicating well. Because to me, the key factors in order to be with me, because I feel like people just jump into relationships just to say that they have one. And I think that is so corny to me. You have to be able to communicate.
You have to be able to… I like spontaneity.
love personality and yeah, and I do love consistency. So those things are big pluses in order to be with me. But yeah, monogamy is the only way for me. I’m a jealous person. I’m not ashamed to admit that. And like sharing somebody that I’m in love with, that’s just, that feels weird to me. I mean, I don’t knock other people that do it if, hey, if you like it, I love it. But for me, can’t do it.
So.
Trevor Hoppe (23:12)
What’s your experience like in the gay community when you tell people that you practice monogamy?
Jersey (23:17)
It’s like I said a bad word. Yeah. It’s like I’ve said a very bad word when I bring up monogamy. I’m noticing…
whenever I do say that.
Sometimes you get cursed out, which is weird. I don’t understand why, but you either get cursed out, they just immediately stop talking to you, or you have some people who…
Trevor Hoppe (23:30)
Wow.
Jersey (23:40)
How do I want to say this? You have some people who will put on a facade that they’re into monogamy until they get what they want. And once they get what they want, I’m good now. I don’t really know if that’s what I want to do. So.
That’s always a bummer, but
Trevor Hoppe (23:54)
Yeah,
it doesn’t sound good, yeah.
Jersey (23:58)
not but yeah I’ve learned to be a little I’ve learned to be more cautious and and you know ask more questions and just really pay attention to people’s lately or I’m cuz I’m definitely big on actions definitely speak louder than words cuz you could tell a person that you like them love them all day but if you’re not showing them that then words really mean nothing amen
Trevor Hoppe (24:21)
Amen.
What kinds of actions impress you when it comes to that?
Jersey (24:28)
So if you can hold a good conversation, that’s always a good plus. If you immediately start talking to me about sex, I’m turned off. Because I tell people all time, getting laid is the easiest thing in the world for anybody. Anybody can get laid. It’s not hard. But what else can you bring? So yeah, good conversation, quality time.
think is very important. Wanting to learn about somebody is a major thing. Because a lot of times people
are very selfish and they love to talk about themselves and I’m just like, whoa, when are you gonna ask things about me? Or, know, this just cannot all be about you. But I get it, I mean, I understand, don’t get it, but I understand that some people have just been in those type of situations to where that’s just how it’s been or that’s just how they’re programmed or that’s just me how they grew up. So, but I do think
There is also a lesson to be learned in teaching people how to treat you as well. And if somebody is willing to understand that and put the effort for, put forth the effort in that, then that’s definitely a person that I want to be with.
Trevor Hoppe (25:45)
Yeah, I think that’s a good point because sometimes we expect people to know how to treat us and and it’s not always like that, right? You have to provide not a guidebook but at least some like, I really love it when guys do this or I really love it when my partner does this to like set some expectations like hey it would be really great if you did those things. So I appreciate that it’s a it’s a little bit of a two-way street learning someone and what they like you have to kind of help people along.
in that journey. Do you think you’ve ever experienced that like truly like a relationship where you felt like it was that two-way street?
Jersey (26:21)
I was saying that in that first relationship, yes.
He was older. I was 22. He was 52 at the time. And when we initially got together, I just thought it was gonna be a hookup.
I was only 22 at the time. So I went over to his house one night and we started drinking.
and we would take his shots and I couldn’t hold my liquor for nothing in this world. And I got sick and threw up all over his floor or whatever.
Trevor Hoppe (26:49)
no.
Jersey (26:50)
first meet. I always think about it’s so many things that the man could have did to me because I was out of it. But all I what I do remember is waking up, I was in his bed, still fully clothed. And you know, he just took care of me. Didn’t try anything, none of that. And I think that is what you know,
Trevor Hoppe (26:52)
Hmm.
Jersey (27:13)
really caught my attention with him and
I to know more about him. I don’t know. This is always weird, but I just wanted to know more and I wanted to spend more time with him. Cause I just thought that was a big thing. And so we dated and we continued on. The age thing, cause at that time I didn’t really care, but the age thing was always an issue for him. Especially when we would go out in public and…
people would look at us and his friends thought that.
I was with him for money purposes, know, like sugar that something. I said, I worked two jobs the entire time that him and I were together. So I said, there’s no way in the world you think that that’s why I’m with him or with you. And even telling his friends that when, you know, we would have those conversations. But you know, it taught me, I’m always grateful for that relationship.
for teaching me.
I would say not to care what people think because you could find love anywhere. You don’t know who you’ll find love with. And it may be with a person you least likely expected to be with and that person to treat you like the best person in the world. But what I also have learned about myself is that I need to be, I think a little bit more patient with people, but sometimes it’s better, you know, sounds good. Sounds good.
but I get easily irritated like when I feel like I’m being played with or effort is just not being put in like how I think. Cause what I’m expecting, I’m expecting you to put the same effort into me as I’m putting into you. But I found out that life gets a lot easier when you stop holding people to the same expectations that you.
gets a lot easier.
Trevor Hoppe (29:05)
That’s brutal. mean, of course we have baseline needs and wants and we need people in our life to meet those. But it is true and I’ve had to give this as a tough battle for me, admittedly, especially with friendships where you feel like you put in all the effort and there’s no reciprocation. That can be really challenging in any relationship, whether it’s romantic or not. So I feel you that sometimes you have to let go of that.
demand that you put on people and let them give you what they can and accept them for that and if it’s not enough then it’s not enough but not try to force it I guess
Jersey (29:45)
did get to a point, I think it was about two years ago, where I said, I’m no longer forcing things, so if it’s forced, I don’t want it. Because if it’s not a natural thing, just walk away. Because if a person really wants to be with you, they’ll show you. And if they don’t want to be with you, I’m grateful for that because there’s a reason and a why behind
Trevor Hoppe (30:04)
Amen.
Exactly. Exactly. And it probably, might have something to do with you, but it probably doesn’t. And that’s the fricking rub of life is that, you know what, maybe they’re going through a depressive episode and they’re just not able to be there for you right now. And it’s just no matter what you do, or maybe they’re, you know, they had a sibling die. I mean, who knows what is going on in their life. But it’s not an.
Jersey (30:11)
It’s always a Y, bye.
Trevor Hoppe (30:36)
There’s not space for you in it right now and you just have to kind of accept that.
Jersey (30:41)
That’s why communication
is effective. But that was good advice that you gave also. I need to be more mindful of that too. People could be going through something, but if you just communicate that, then I know.
Trevor Hoppe (30:55)
Wouldn’t that be nice if men were able to communicate and say, I can’t right now for whatever reason, instead of just not texting you back or ghosting you or whatever it is that men tend to do. I feel that, believe me. it’s not, yeah. Yeah, it’s okay. And just let it be.
Jersey (31:09)
I’m like, it’s okay. It’s okay.
Trevor Hoppe (31:15)
and move on with your life because there’s more important things to deal with than someone’s inability to love you in the way that you need. And I say that I’m coming to that from a place of friendship when I talk about that. But I think, like I said, it’s just the same for romantic relationships in a similar way. When it comes to like, you’ve sort of figured out that you
Jersey (31:23)
for it.
Yeah.
Trevor Hoppe (31:37)
you kind of thrive in this monogamous context. What does sex look like for you then? Or finding great sex? Like how do you go about doing that in a relationship?
Jersey (31:47)
So I will say, think that when you find a person that you really want to be with and y’all are in a relationship, sex is good. It seems a lot better than when you just hook up.
Trevor Hoppe (31:58)
Mmm.
Jersey (32:00)
because it’s more of a connection there and it’s more of wanting to do things for your partner, wanting to go above and beyond. What are all the things that I need to do to please you, to keep you around, to keep you happy? Because I’m definitely more of that person, I’m more so keeping you happy.
now not to say like, you know, I just forget about me altogether, but no, it’s more so about pleasing you and doing things for you and keeping you happy and things like that. So, you know, it all just stems from coming back from communication. If, especially like if things in the bedroom, specifically, if things in the bedroom aren’t good, what can I do to
get you there or please you better? Am I not sucking you right? Should I be doing this when I’m doing that? But if you don’t tell me and you just laying there laying and I’m thinking everything’s okay, I don’t know. Cause I’m very vocal, like if it’s not feeling good, let’s try this. Let’s try this, so.
Communication, that’s it.
Trevor Hoppe (33:06)
Communication
is the big one. It’s the hardest for some people to say That felt good or that didn’t feel good. It’s so basic, but it’s it’s real. It’s people struggle with that. So Communication is key. What can you think of a time where you think and you look back and you’re like? That was like the best sex I’ve ever had
Jersey (33:26)
But it was a hookup though.
Trevor Hoppe (33:28)
interesting.
Jersey (33:29)
Who’s the hookup though? So who’s this guy?
Trevor Hoppe (33:30)
What was special
about it?
Jersey (33:32)
He just knew, I mean, you didn’t even have to say anything. And I just was like, maybe he’s had a lot of sex probably. He’s had a lot of sex. But I said, he just knew what to do. I didn’t have to say anything. It’s just, he tried something and then I guess based on facial expressions and how, you know, my body.
Trevor Hoppe (33:41)
Mm-hmm.
Jersey (33:57)
reacting and things like that. And he was like, okay, he likes that. Let me keep doing that. And that’s good, because that’s some amazing sex to me. If I don’t have to say anything, and you just know what to do.
Trevor Hoppe (34:13)
intuitive people who can kind of sense… yeah.
Jersey (34:15)
Just
like you just caress the body right. You just, you lick right. You just know what you’re doing and that is, and you be like, God damn. If you should like, you don’t date? No, those, and usually those are the types that just like to have their fun.
Trevor Hoppe (34:34)
you ever see him again?
Jersey (34:35)
No. Because he lived out of town and I was out of town for like one of my gigs or something like that. But I will say like I was, I was top tier.
Trevor Hoppe (34:45)
That’s amazing and that’s so fascinating that like it is in the hookup context for you because it sounds like You know, that’s not usually where that happens. So maybe it’s part of the surprise That makes it so great
Jersey (34:58)
not gonna say, yes, I love monogamy. Monogamy is huge for me and I’m very much the relationship type. But you know, every now and then there are moments where your flesh gets weak and you just need it.
Trevor Hoppe (35:12)
Flesh gets weak. I get that. I understand. No, that’s real. I appreciate that because what you’re saying really is that monogamy is your format for relationships, but that doesn’t preclude having casual sex outside those relationships. It’s just the expectation when you’re in the relationship is that… Yes, it is limited in its capacity, that’s for sure.
Jersey (35:15)
Lash!
because your hand can only do so much.
It’s something
I need and I need and want that pleasure from somebody else. You know, we call it what? I call it a quick fix.
and it helped.
Trevor Hoppe (35:48)
Definitely. So coming to the end, we come to my favorite segment, which I called Sorted Lives and Untold Tales, or SLUT for short. What’s the sluttiest thing you ever did?
Jersey (35:56)
Okay.
Sluttiest thing I ever did, so it that I was dating.
I think his family was in town visiting. And I think we had just moved.
I don’t know, we had rented a U-Haul, we had the U-Haul for something. His family was over at the event and we was horny and we couldn’t do it in the house or whatever. So he took me outside in the back of the U-Haul and we had sex. While the door was slightly ajar.
Trevor Hoppe (36:28)
Ha
Jersey (36:29)
So to me, it’s probably, I’m sure people have done morgues. But for me, that’s the most, I think, sluttiest thing I’ve ever.
Trevor Hoppe (36:37)
I love it. I love that U-Haul for lesbians is like the sign of, you know, moving in together relationships and for you it’s the sight of this like wanton pleasure. That’s, that’s fabulous. I see. Yeah. The risk is real. People get really excited by that for sure.
Jersey (36:49)
risky.
It was turned on. It was hot. It was hot to me. Yes.
Trevor Hoppe (36:57)
Uh-huh, uh-huh, amen.
Well, Jersey, if people want to find out more about you, see you perform, learn about your gigs, where are you on social media? How can they find you?
Jersey (37:09)
So you can find me on Facebook at Jersey Omari Lavish. You can find me on Instagram, Jersey Flow, all one word. Or you can find me on Snapchat, Jersey Vibes, all one word with a Z at the end.
Trevor Hoppe (37:24)
Fabulous. I love it. Well, thank you so much for your time and sharing your story. I know people will find it really valuable.
Jersey (37:32)
Thank you, I have fun.
Trevor Hoppe (37:33)
That’s our show for today. Thank you so much for listening. am always grateful. And remember, if you’re not having your best sex, I can help. My services as a sex coach help you identify and overcome those barriers that are standing between you and your best sex life. You can find out more on my website, thebestgaysex.net. Till next time.
